WW1 and its aftermath: exemplar student response
Below you will find an exemplar student response to a Section B question in the specimen assessment materials, followed by an examiner commentary on the response.
Paper 2A, Section B, unseen text, Fly Away Peter
Question
Read the insert carefully. It is taken from the novel Fly Away Peter by David Malouf, published in 1982. In this scene Jim, the protagonist, visits his comrade Eric who has been badly wounded in a recent battle. In the battle their mutual friend, Clancy, was killed. Eric wants to know who will care for him after the war now that he is severely disabled.
[Specimen insert, beginning 'What scared him now . .']
Explore the significance of suffering in this extract. Remember to include in your answer relevant detailed analysis of the ways that Malouf shapes meanings.
Band 3 response
This extract is very moving, mainly because a man who is presumably fit and able-bodied feels awkward visiting a former army comrade who is suffering with injuries he got during the war. Jim struggles with his feeling of guilt:-
'He promised he would (come again) . . . but knew that he would not'
and has feelings of 'hot panic' that might increase Eric's fear and worry about his future.
Malouf helps us to understand the two different kinds of suffering represented in the extract by presenting the narrative from each man's point-of-view in turn. The opening,
'What scared him now . . over the dry lips.'
is from Eric's perspective, but by the end we are seeing things through Jim's eyes,
'As he walked away . . the harshness of his own words.'
This change of perspective not only links to Jim's departure from the hospital it also explains how Jim feels so distant from Eric. Jim feels he cannot help Eric who is beginning to repel him, like a 'querulous old man' whose 'insistent' questions he cannot cope with. In his heart of hearts Jim knows that Eric is right. Eric's body has been so badly damaged by his experiences that he will be in a bed or chair for the rest of his life, but Jim cannot be cruel and openly agree with him, so he says 'No' and talks about the care he should get from his nurses. Eric wants reassurance. 'Wilya come again, Jim?' he asks, and then says 'Wilya?' twice more. But all Jim replies with is a vague 'You'll be alright', repeated, and 'Of course they will' which is a repetition of 'They're bound to' which he said earlier.
One of the interesting things about this extract is Clancy. Both Jim and Eric would like their former comrade-in-arms Clancy being with them now as he was someone who has the courage of his convictions and would not take no for an answer, unlike the two of them. It seems to suggest both Eric and Jim are both probably just teenagers and therefore unworldly unlike Clancy, and this leaves both of them feeling helpless and scared in their situation.
Malouf's language use in this extract is straightforward. There are no flowery descriptions but simple adjectives like 'dry', 'thin' and 'startled', although when it comes to feelings he uses complex words like 'aggrieved', 'querulous' and 'impersonal'. There is also slang e.g. 'piss' and words written as they sound, like 'Y'reckon' and 'Wilya', all of which add to the drama of the scene with realistic conversation. Malouf also uses a metaphor:-
'Jim knew his own hot panic had invaded the room.'
'Invaded' is a brilliant way of showing how Jim feels he can't control his emotions and 'hot panic' shows how uncontrollable they are. He wishes he could control himself because it is not helping Eric at all. And you know about Eric's panic from the 'fine line of sweat' on his upper lip which looks like a moustache.
The novel 'Fly Away Peter' was written in 1982 and therefore is not like contemporary accounts of the First World War by poets like Owen and Sassoon or Remarque in 'All Quiet On The Western Front'. But it seems convincing as a conversation that might take place between two soldiers who fought together but are now having to live through the suffering that follows and somehow find comfort. It mentions the people who are responsible for looking after wounded soldiers, 'the sisters who ran the ward', and the men who were in charge when Eric and Jim were in uniform, 'the sergeant and the sergeant major'. These people plus the 'matron at the orphanage' represent authority figures that a boy like Eric would look up to and rely on in a different way from how Clancy could help, but they all add to the context of the novel.
In conclusion, this extract is about different forms of suffering. Eric suffers in his body; as mentioned earlier he cannot stand up even. But he also suffers from a 'problem' in his mind, namely fear:
'What scared him was that people might walk off and forget him altogether.'
On the other hand, Jim is suffering from guilt and from feeling inadequate in this situation he finds himself in where a friend wants to be comforted but he can't do it. Jim's suffering comes out at the end, after he has left the hospital, when he cries for the first time since he was a boy, because he is ashamed of himself for being weak, and 'harsh' when he spoke to Eric.
Examiner commentary
AO1
'Quality of argument' does not apply here so much as it does with questions that require candidates to engage in a debate about their reading of prescribed texts. Examiners are nevertheless looking for evidence of the ability to shape a discussion informed by ideas that are relevant and organised. This script has a fair amount of relevant material, but despite a promising opening it is not particularly well organised and often awkwardly expressed. The vocabulary tends to be simple and the punctuation inconsistent.
AO2
The candidate is certainly willing to analyse relevant meanings and the writer's methods, as required by the question. (S)he looks at narrative and aspects of dialogue, point-of-view, various language features and setting. There is appreciation of the dynamic of the extract and of the characters of Eric and Jim, and of the nature of their respective 'suffering' (see also AO5).
AO3
There is some straightforward awareness of the problems faced by those wounded in combat which include physical disability and mental anguish, and of comradeship and mutual dependency among serving men. More specifically, there is some awareness of the context of time.
AO4
An awareness of structure and point of view enable the candidate to see some connections within the text. More importantly for AO4, a valid point is made about the difference between literature written at the time of WW1 – or at least by those involved in it – and something written sixty years after the event, although the point is not developed. By writing about war-related suffering, however, the student has connected with the concept of suffering as it is presented more widely in literature of the period.
AO5
Some progress is made towards an interpretation of the words and actions of the characters, although in lieu of detailed analysis we are often given only straightforward description or quotations without comment.
Overall
'This response seems to fit into Band 3'