WW1 and its aftermath: exemplar student response
Below you will find an exemplar student response to a Section B question in the specimen assessment materials, followed by an examiner commentary on the response.
Paper 2A, Section B, unseen text, Fly Away Peter
Question
Read the insert carefully. It is taken from the novel Fly Away Peter by David Malouf, published in 1982. In this scene Jim, the protagonist, visits his comrade Eric who has been badly wounded in a recent battle. In the battle their mutual friend, Clancy, was killed. Eric wants to know who will care for him after the war now that he is severely disabled.
[Specimen insert, beginning 'What scared him now . .']
Explore the significance of suffering in this extract. Remember to include in your answer relevant detailed analysis of the ways that Malouf shapes meanings.
Band 5 response
If they were lucky enough to still be alive, combatants who had been injured on the battlefield would eventually find themselves in hospital and later a convalescent home back in 'Blighty'. Eric is one such casualty of war, suggested by the fact that he 'can't even stand up to piss'. He has probably lost the use of his legs. He is anxious and depressed, like the dashing young soldier in Owen's poem Disabled, who knows that he will 'spend a few sick years in institutes' and be shamefully dependent on others to put him to bed. Despite a very economical style, with few descriptive adjectives and minimal dialogue, we are able to understand the anguish and muted desperation of men like Eric, 'muted' because little given away about the precise nature of his suffering but it is undeniably there, in his nervousness about Jim not coming to visit him again, and about his very uncertain future:
'Wilya come again, Jim?'
'Now he wanted to know what lay beyond.
"Who?" he insisted.'
He expects someone to take care of him, just as an unbroken line of authority figures had done up to now: the matron in the orphanage (where he passed his childhood and early adolescent years), the NCOs in his regiment, the matron and her staff in the hospital where he is at present. These professionals stand 'in immediate relation to him' although ironically they are not relations, i.e. family. His dependency and neediness are palpable.
Paradoxically, Malouf is able to help us understand Eric's suffering by presenting most of the narrative from the point of view of his friend Jim. We are not only shown Jim's actions ('made a gesture', 'stood preparing to leave', 'walked away') and observations ('The tip of his [Eric's] tongue appeared', 'it was at first the voice of a child'), we are also made painfully aware of his thoughts and feelings ('his own hot panic had invaded the room', 'he wished Clancy was here', 'startled . . by the harshness of his own words'). Although Eric's present predicament and suffering are what superficially claim the reader's attention, it is Jim who is the 'protagonist', literally the 'first actor', and it is his emotions that are in the end the main topic. As the conversation between the two ex-comrades proceeds, we sense Jim's growing unease, his difficulty in coping with Eric's need for reassurance that his friends will not desert him. But all Jim can offer is a 'vague' word of encouragement that the hospital staff will look after him ('They're bound to', 'Of course they will') which is a poor substitute for a personal promise of friendship, loyalty and support, something he privately acknowledges ('he knew guiltily that he would not'). Jim's particular form of 'suffering' here reaches a climax once he is outside in the hospital grounds. Here he begins to cry, his emotional turmoil finding a physical response ('pushing his fists hard into his eyes and trying to control his breath') which is beautifully translated into metaphor by Malouf in the words 'it was as if he had been taken over by some impersonal force that was weeping through him', much as he earlier explained Jim's alarm in the words 'his own hot panic had invaded the room'.
This is not to say that Malouf has not fleshed out Eric's character sufficiently for us to 'hear' him talk and 'watch' his behaviour. There are many examples of Eric's words and actions, together with narrative features, that help to dramatise the whole incident of this poignant reunion of two mates. We know that he is 'scared', just as in Regeneration there are patients at Craiglockhart who admit they are victims of their own fear, even if it means being branded 'sissies' and 'weaklings', as well as men like Willard who are crippled and have to be assisted by an orderly. Eric's need to be reassured is obvious from the fact that he repeatedly asks Jim, 'Wilya?' in a voice which Jim recognises as full of hurt and resentment ('aggrieved') and unwilling to be fobbed off ('insistent', 'demanding his due').
Other ways in which Malouf 'shapes meanings' include the use of slang ('take a piss') and colloquial expressions ('knocked about in the world', 'knew the ropes') which together with the ellipses ('Y'reckon', 'alright', 'Wilya') help to identify Eric and Jim as two men from ordinary working-class backgrounds. There are one or two striking descriptions. 'A fine line of sweat drops on the boy's upper lip gave him a phantom moustache' underlines how frightened Eric is ('sweat drops') and how young ('boy') he is, not long out of the orphanage perhaps, although the moisture on his lip weirdly makes him look older. A little later Eric sounds like a 'querulous old man', which reinforces the point that his experiences in battle have aged him dreadfully. The contrast with their dead friend and comrade Clancy is very marked. Clancy was strong, assertive and worldly-wise, able to stand up for himself, whereas Eric, like Jim, is pitifully inexperienced and lacking in courage or 'savvy' which is why he feels so adrift, suffering with serious injuries in a hospital where no-one knows or loves him, facing months or years even of just sitting in a chair (which he has had to be helped into) gradually becoming overwhelmed by feelings of desolation.
'Suffering' is undeniably the theme of this passage. Even though it does not contain any graphic description of the horrendous deaths and injuries endured on the battlefield by soldiers, such as those in the poetry of Wilfred Owen who actually fought in the War and wrote from his own observation, it is still powerful writing and able to give the reader an insight into the terrible aftermath of war, as it applies to ordinary soldiers like Eric and Jim. Fly Away Peter is very unlikely to be based on Malouf's own experiences; however, it is a viable attempt to recreate the atmosphere of the Great War from a modern standpoint. This and the economical way in which it is written somehow make it all the more disturbing.
Examiner commentary
AO1
At all times the writing is assured and sophisticated, matching the student's ability to think and interpret at a sophisticated level. Although there is no debate as such here, (s)he shows us how Malouf's text can be read and fully evaluated for 'significance'. Ideas are well organised, concepts and terminology are introduced appropriately, and the technical accuracy is as good as flawless, with judiciously chosen vocabulary and deftly managed punctuation of complex sentences.
AO2
Several aspects of narrative are perceptively discussed, with apposite illustration, as are aspects of dialogue and language features generally. There is no shortage of detail in the presentation of ideas about the way Malouf 'shapes meanings'. There is a close reading of the text, using well-chosen quotations and skilful paraphrase to confirm a mature understanding of the 'meaning'. This applies to other aspects of the extract, e.g. Clancy, the hospital, Eric's history. The student's engagement with detail, their awareness of structure and of point of view all enable the student to see connections within the text.
AO3
The student has a clear understanding of the nature of comradeship or brotherhood between soldiers, and very capably shows how the experience of fighting in a war impacts on its participants even after the event. The exploration of the nature and consequence of suffering is intelligent and imaginative.
AO4
Through the perceptive exploration of suffering in this extract the student is connecting with the representation of a central issue of literature of WW1 and its Aftermath. Whilst not required, the brief incidental references to other WW1 literature are valid and make connections with the wider topic of WW1 and its aftermath and with the representation of suffering as it affects individuals caught up in the hostilities, directly or otherwise.
AO5
The men's respective suffering, both physical and emotional, is described and analysed closely ensuring that a cogent and informed interpretation of the text is explored.
Overall
'This response appears to fit comfortably within Band 5'