Exemplar student response and examiner commentary

An exemplar student response to a Section A question in the specimen assessment materials, followed by an examiner commentary on the response.

Sample question

Explore the significance of the crime elements in this extract. Remember to include in your answer relevant detailed analysis of the ways that Hill has shaped meanings.

Band 3 response

There are many different crime elements in this extract, the most important one is the trial of a murderer. The writer tells us at the start that the court was very full. The public are clearly interested in this trial as they generally are when people are being accused of murder. We are also told that there are reporters in court. This is what happens in real trials as there will be a lot of media interest. People always want to know the details of murders.

The reporter Charlie is excited by the trial. This is typical of how people really react. He gives details of the tension, how everyone in court is expecting something to happen, how everyone looks at the accused waiting for the guilty verdict. These are all typical elements of the crime writing genre. There is a lot of description of the murderer, particularly of his hands. The writer connects the hands with the murder of the 'three elderly women' who had been strangled. It doesn't seem as if the writer wants us to think that Keyes might be innocent.

When the jury comes back in there is more tension. The writer gives lots of detail here 'the door opened and they were filing back, concentrating on taking their seats, faces showing the strain'.  Another typical detail of crime writing is given when they are told to 'All rise'. This is what happens in real trials so Hill wants to make her story sound realistic. Lots of short sentences and phrases are used to increase the tension 'The court murmured; the murmur faded. Everything went still. Every eye focused on the jury benches.' It is as if we are being directed to look at the jury as more tension is built up.

The writer then uses direct speech to make the trial more dramatic. There is not much story in between the speech. It comes straight at us. 'Have you reached a verdict on all three counts?' 'Yes.' 'On the first count, do you find the accused guilty or not guilty?' What happens as the jury gives its verdict is that Keyes is found not guilty. This is very surprising. It doesn't seem like the people in the court like the verdict as no one cheers. There is a lot of murmuring and the judge has to roar out 'Order' so there must have been a lot of noise.

It is not easy to tell if Keyes is actually guilty or not from this passage. Not much attention is given to him. In the crime writing genre murderers are usually interesting characters, the ones readers want to know about. In this extract there is not much said about Keyes. The writer says he looks normal and is not ugly 'nothing out of the ordinary'.  His hands are normal too. Often in crime writing, murderers are made to seem much more evil like Bill Sikes in Oliver Twist.

At the centre of all crime writing is a crime. In this extract the crimes committed by someone (perhaps Alan Keyes) are the reason for the trial. Not many details are given of the crimes other than that three elderly women have been strangled. Here the victims are clearly females who are old, and so are vulnerable. There is not much sense of how horrible the crimes are other than that the writer focuses a bit on the hands of Keyes 'those hands had…'.  But we are not told anything about the victims here perhaps because Hill wants us to focus on the criminal (if he is the criminal). It could be that Hill gives more detail about the women in other parts of the novel but they are not really sympathised with here. The relatives of the victims are mentioned 'very quiet, very still, desperate for this to be over'. By telling us about the victims' relatives, Hill is showing that crimes have a wide impact.

Another key crime writing element is punishment. In this extract there is a jury which is making a judgement after thinking about the evidence. In deciding that the accused is not guilty, there is clearly no punishment. If Keyes didn't commit the crime though then it is right that he does not get punished. In Crime writing readers want to see criminals caught and punished. Because this trial takes place at the start of the novel then it could be that there will be another trial and the right person will get caught. If Keyes is the killer then being released will mean that he can kill other people. Having this uncertainty will make readers want to read on.

Examiner commentary

This is a straightforward and consistent response and the candidate makes a number of relevant points in a clear way. The candidate has identified a number of crime elements in the Hill extract and there is some straightforward development of them. Quotations are apt though they tend to just be stuck in with no comment on them afterwards. For a mark in a higher band there would need to be more depth and development of the ideas.

AO1

The response is structured clearly and ideas are sensibly ordered. The student has gone through the passage in a chronological way and it is a little like a commentary. In the final part of the answer there is some attempt to pull together some ideas. The task is always in mind. The candidate uses terminology in an appropriate way and the writing is clearly expressed and mainly accurate.

AO2

There is some sense of the ways Hill shapes meanings. There is relevant comment on her use of the novel's form and on the use of speech. Although there is little sophistication and development here what is said is relevant.

AO3

There is some clear engagement with the legal and gender contexts and these are connected to the crime writing genre.  There is some sense given of the modern context of the novel and of modern attitudes to crime fiction.

AO4

There is straightforward understanding of how the extract connects with the wider crime writing genre and there are many relevant points made in a straightforward way. The candidate understands the crime writing genre but there is little depth in the discussion.

AO5

There is some engagement with significance here and the candidate does offer some different interpretations. There is awareness, for example, that because the extract comes at the start of the novel, there are a number of possibilities. There is also a sense of how readers might respond to the different elements that are mentioned. 

Overall: Straightforward and relevant. This response seems consistent with the Band 3 descriptors.

This resource is part of the Elements of crime writing resource package.