Exemplar student response and examiner commentary

An exemplar student response to a Paper 2A, Section C question in the specimen assessment materials, followed by an examiner commentary on the response.

Sample question

'In crime writing there are always victims.'

Explore the significance of the ways that victims are presented in two crime texts you have studied.

Band 2 response

Both Atonement and The Rime of the Ancient Mariner have victims in them. Victims are characters who have been harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime. In Atonement Robbie and Cecilia are the main victims because their love affair is ruined by the accusation against Robbie. In Coleridge's poem the albatross is the main victim because it is shot by the mariner 'I shot the albatross'.

Robbie is the character you feel most sorry for in Atonement. He is in love with Cecilia and at the start of the novel they start their affair. It is really romantic, for example when they are standing near the Triton fountain and Cecilia removes her clothes and goes into the pond to get the vase of flowers while Robbie stands and watches, clearly in love with her. It is also clear that she loves him even though he is of a different social class. When the twins go missing, Robbie joins the search party and he is the one who finds them and carries them home. In doing this he is a hero. He is also a hero in the war section of the novel. He saves some soldiers and shows a lot of bravery. However, even though we see him as a hero, he is harmed in a number of ways because of crimes.

Briony is jealous of her sister's relationship with Robbie. She says she wants to protect her sister but I think she wants Robbie for herself as she is just starting to become sexually aware of men. She doesn't seem to understand what she is feeling and when she reads the letter from Robbie to Cecilia about wanting to make love to her all day long she starts to see him as a maniac. Then when everyone goes out looking for the twins in the dark and Paul Marshall rapes Lola, Briony is convinced the criminal is Robbie. This leads to her accusing him and makes him a victim. She says she 'saw him'. She confuses this moment with when she was in the library and saw Robbie and Cecilia making love. Now she thinks he was attacking her 'He was attacking my sister. If I hadn't come in, I don't know what he would have done'. When the police arrive Briony is happy to accuse Robbie and it is largely because of her that he is arrested. The arrest is seen through her eyes - the police car, 'the two inspectors and Robbie between them. And handcuffed.' Briony is pleased that he is arrested but the reader can see he is an innocent victim. At this point Cecilia is also a victim. Briony thinks that Cecilia is angry with Robbie, but this is not the case. Cecilia loves Robbie and knows that there has been a mistake. One good thing is that Robbie's mother supports him. She knows that the family are 'liars'.

Robbie is also a victim in the war. He gets wounded and he suffers. The criminals here are the Germans who bomb the soldiers. In the end Robbie dies of infection though it isn't ever so clear that he is dead because when Briony tells the story she says he is alive. When she is much older she is sorry for what she did when she was thirteen and she wants Robbie to be happy so she changes the story to make him have a loving relationship with Cecilia. He certainly deserves some happiness. Cecilia also deserves some happiness but she dies in the war too, though Briony makes her live too.

In The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, there is a clear victim and this is the albatross. The bird did nothing wrong and was shot by the mariner for no reason. Before he kills it he suggested that it was a good omen as it had helped the sailors to get through the ice. The mariner says it is like a 'Christian soul' and it comes on the boat to share the mariners' food. It is because of the good luck that the bird brings that a good south wind comes to help the sailors on their journey. But then the mariner shoots it with his cross bow. This is a terrible thing to do and the bird is a victim of the horrible actions of human beings. I say human beings because after the albatross is shot, the crew agree that 'Twas right, said they, such birds to slay, That bring the fog and mist'. Human beings are destroying the planet and the poem shows that if they do then they will be punished. That is why the mariner has to suffer - Water, water, everywhere, Nor any drop to drink'. The albatross stands for the natural world that is a victim of man. It is innocent. Coleridge makes it seem like Jesus. Many times in the poem the word cross is made to rhyme with albatross to show the connection with Jesus.

Some people think that the albatross is also a victim like Abel in the bible who was killed by Cain his brother. The mariner is like Cain and has to wander the earth as a punishment. He says he goes like night 'from land to land'. Some people think that the mariner is a victim because he is punished but I think a punishment is different from being killed as a result of a crime. Both Robbie and the albatross are victims of crimes though the criminals in both cases tell the stories and try to get sympathy for themselves. I don't feel sympathy for Briony or the mariner and I don't think they are victims.

Examiner commentary

This is a fairly basic response and much of it is generalised. However, it is relevant to the task and there are some textual details. The candidate shows some understanding of the element of victims in crime writing and there is an argument. A little use has been made of the open book and there are some quotations though they are not integrated very fluently. In places the candidate becomes descriptive and a little repetitive and there is some uncertainty about what actually happens.

AO1

The response has a simple structure and there is an attempt to connect the beginning with the end. The task is in mind. The candidate uses simple expression and at times an informal style but the writing is accurate.

AO2

There is a little sense of the authors shaping meanings but it is very simple. There is a comment on the use of narrators and a little discussion of language in the section on The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. However the response to AO2 is fairly limited.

AO3

There is a little sense of the literary context of Atonement and of the religious context in The Rime of the Ancient Mariner but ideas are not developed. There is a generalised connection between these contexts and the crime writing genre.

AO4

This AO is handled better and the candidate does understand how victims are part of the crime writing genre. Some thought has gone into the selection of victims and although there is not much range of ideas, what is said is relevant.

AO5

There is an argument here and the candidate offers a personal view. There is also an awareness that other interpretations are possible and the candidate is able to look at other views in connection with the view offered.

This response seems consistent with the Band 2 descriptors, and is likely to be placed towards the top of the range.

This resource is part of the Elements of crime writing resource package.